Ephesians - Children and Parents - Ephesians 6:1-4

These then are the rights of the children. They have the right to be born. They have the right to be children. They have the right to a Christian home, and they have the right to a Christian upbringing. And it's up to us to make sure that these rights are honored in the church.

We open the Word of God to Ephesians 5. Let's talk to our Father together. Father, we do want to praise You. Forgive us for complaining. Forgive us when we have been unhappy with Your will for our lives. Help us to be surrendered. Help us to know that Your will is always the best. Teach us from the Word now and give us the encouragement, the enlightenment, the enablement that we need. Our prayer is in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Children are not having an easy time of it in the world today. For the first time in American history at least, the majority of children have mothers working outside the home, most of them full-time. And there's a great deal of child abuse these days—physically, sexually—and of course, the atmosphere in the homes today seems to be becoming more and more worldly. Children are not having an easy time of it. And Paul in Ephesians 6 assumes that the whole family will be in church. He has addressed the wives and the husbands and now he addresses the children. That’s a good example for us to follow, isn't it? The apostle assumes that the children will be there to hear the Word of God. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

You see, our God has founded three institutions in this world. The first, of course, was the home. He brought Adam and Eve together in the garden, and He told them to be fruitful and multiply. The home is the only remnant of paradise we still have in the world today. And marriage and the home ought to be a heaven on earth. Too often it is just the opposite. Our Lord founded human government, and human government is here because men are sinners and need to be restrained. He also founded the church. And the church is to be an influence in this world as the salt of the earth and as the light of the world.

Now, if the home is going to be a success, Christian parents have to recognize the rights of children. I hear wives saying, "Well, I have my rights as a wife and as a woman." I hear husbands saying, "Well, we have our rights." Everyone's talking about rights today. We even have organizations that are promoting animal rights. Well, what about the rights of children? In these four brief verses in Ephesians 6, the apostle Paul writes a bill of rights for children. And he says to us, there are certain rights that God has given to children, and we as parents, as adults, had better observe these and respect them.

First of all, of course, they have the right to be born. He addresses them: Children, obey your parents in the Lord. One of the purposes for marriage is the bringing of children into the world. People die. If babies are not born, eventually, of course, the human race will disappear. There are many purposes for marriage. It is not good for man to be alone, God said in Genesis 2:18. Marriage has companionship as one of its blessings. Marriage is given as a picture of Christ and the church; Paul wrote about that in Ephesians 5. And husbands are to love their wives even as Christ loved the church.

According to 1 Corinthians 7, marriage is also for the purpose of control. Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. This is the normal relationship for which God established the sexes. And so marriage is for companionship and for control. It's also for the purpose of the bearing of children. Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. The normal result of the marriage relationship is the family. Now, some people cannot have families. For some reason, God does not give children to every married couple. But ordinarily, in general, this is the result of the marriage relationship.

Now, there are two tragedies today. Children have the right to be born. Tragedy number one is the tragedy of selfishness. There are so-called modern couples who say, "We aren't going to have children. We're just going to live for each other." And of course, this means we're not going to have to bear the burdens of childhood and pay the price for all of the things that have to be bought when you're trying to raise a family. I think that's plain selfishness. Now, I'm not telling people what to do in their home. I'm just saying, be careful you aren't selfish. Be careful that you are not just turning your marriage into a selfish relationship that does not fulfill the purposes that God has for human marriage.

Of course, the second tragedy along with selfishness is the tragedy of abortion. To think that 1,500,000 little babies in America, in the United States, are aborted every year—a holocaust of infant mortality, a holocaust of murder because people don't want children. Children have the right to be born. People say, "Well, the times are hard." The times are always hard. Moses was born in hard times. So was Joshua. So was Samuel. So were the sons of Zebedee, who became disciples of our Lord Jesus Christ. Children have the right to be born.

Secondly, children have the right to be children. Paul did not address them as adults; he had a special word for them as children. I don't know about other nations, but in America today, childhood is vanishing. Mothers and fathers are pushing their children so fast in the way they dress them, in the way they teach them, that children do not have childhood anymore. They are instantly thrust into adulthood. They have to act like adults, and they have to have the expensive toys that adults have.

I stepped into a toy store in New York City one day, and I was amazed at the prices of the toys. There were stuffed animals there—they stood, oh, six, seven feet high. They were selling for two and three thousand dollars. There was an automobile there—an actual automobile, a small child-sized automobile that ran on batteries, and the child could actually drive it. It sold for $14,000. I ask you: Why does a child need a little automobile he can drive himself?

Why are we robbing children of childhood? Children have the right to be children. It's a beautiful time of life. I think it was George Bernard Shaw who said that childhood is so wonderful, it's a shame to waste it on children. It's the time of life when they're learning about the love of God and the joy of life. There's so much variety, there's so much to look at and to learn and to love. It's a time when children are children before they learn the bad habits of adulthood. We've robbed so many children of the right to be children.

There's a third right that he talks about here, and it's so important: the right to be born and the right to be children, and the right to a Christian home. Children, obey your parents in the Lord. In other words, he's talking to Christian children or children in the Christian home. How fortunate it is when a child is raised in a Christian home. I'm perhaps speaking to somebody right now who says, "Don't talk to me about being raised in a Christian home," and you think of all the things that were wrong in your home. Your father was quoting the Bible to you, and your mother wanted you to pray, and you've rebelled against all of that. And now you're on your own. I just want you to stop and think of the privilege it was to have Christian parents. Now, we Christian parents are not perfect. I made many mistakes in the raising of our four children. I'm grateful for my wife, who was so patient and kind and prayerful. We made mistakes, and I'm sure the children remember some of them. But be that as it may, if you were raised in a Christian home, you ought to give thanks to God and don't desert your heritage.

One of the greatest blessings in all the world is to say, "I had a father, a mother who prayed for me, who read the Bible to me, who sought to raise me in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." Now, children have the right to Christian parents. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. I get so tired of hearing these Christian young people who say, "I know I'm marrying an unbeliever, but after we're married, she'll get saved, he'll get saved." You are violating the Word of the living God. You want to bring children into a broken home, into a divided home? You want to put your little baby in the arms of a husband who curses, a husband who does not honor the name of the Lord, a husband who can't even pray for that child? You want to share your life with somebody who doesn't even know the Lord? Well, you'd better read 2 Corinthians 6:14: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.

Now Paul had just told the fathers and mothers, the husbands and wives, to be spirit-filled (Ephesians 5). And when you are spirit-filled, you are joyful, you are thankful, and you are submissive. You are united in the Lord to raise the children. You make the Christian life attractive—not a burden, it's a blessing. You're knowing the Word of God and obeying the Word of God. You are under discipline, and therefore you can discipline your children. I meet these modern parents who say, "We don't discipline our children; we love them too much to do that." That's not an evidence of love; it's an evidence of selfishness. You are not disciplined yourself, and so you can't discipline anybody else. You're looking for an easy life, living the way you want to live. You allow your children to live that way, and what do you raise? You raise a bunch of juvenile delinquents. He's talking here about the Christian home that is spirit-filled, united, obeying the Word of God. Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise. They have the right to a Christian home.

Fourth, they have the right to a Christian upbringing. Now he describes here what it means to raise children. The goal is maturity, the basis for the home is obedience, the attitude is loving encouragement, and the method: words and deeds. I want to repeat that now. These are the four factors that make for Christian upbringing in the home. The fact that the home has Christian parents does not make it a Christian home. The fact that children have Christian parents does not mean they're going to be raised the way Christian children should be raised. Four factors are involved.

The goal is maturity: bring them up. Notice that? Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. That word means to mature them. The basis is obedience: children, obey. Actually, the verb says keep on obeying; it's an attitude of obedience. The attitude on the part of the parents is that of loving encouragement. Do not provoke them, but rather train them and admonish them. And the method for doing it, of course, words and deeds. Now let’s take these four factors separately. The goal of rearing children is maturity—not to keep them babies, not selfishly to make them our little toys, but maturity. Bring them up means mature them. It's the word used in Ephesians 5:29: For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes—now that's the same word—nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. We are leading children to maturity. We are not duplicating ourselves; we are reproducing ourselves. And the goal is to bring that child to the place where the child can live on his own.

Now, the basis for this, of course, is obedience. The child must learn to obey. A child who does not learn to obey will not learn anything. If a child does not learn to obey mother and father, he will not obey the policeman, he will not obey his boss, his teachers—he will not be obedient. He will go through life as a rebel. It's in the home that we learn obedience.

I like the way our Lord Jesus Christ was raised. Luke 2:51-52: Then He, Jesus, went down with them and came to Nazareth and was subject to them. Here is the very Son of God subject to Mary and Joseph. The Greek word is obedient; He was obedient to them. But His mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. Now, here is a balanced maturity: wisdom (intellectually), stature (physically), in favor with God (spiritually), in favor with men (socially)—a balanced maturity in the home.

Now this comes from obedience. Paul assumes that children obey their parents. Someone has said everything in the home is controlled by switches except the children. It’s amazing how parents are obedient to their children. Now why should children obey? Because it is right. It's the foundation for all learning. It is scriptural. He quotes Exodus 20:12. It brings a blessing when this commandment is repeated in Deuteronomy 5:16. This is what Moses says: Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you. This promise was especially made to the Jewish nation, but it carries a spiritual application to us today. It is better for us to obey than to disobey. Finally, it pleases God. Colossians 3:20 tells us that: Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

The goal: maturity. The basis: obedience. The attitude: loving encouragement. Bring them up in the training—that's the word discipline, the word that's used in Hebrews 12—training and admonition. The word admonition means words of encouragement. Don't make excessive demands upon the children. Don't be inconsistent. Too often we punish, but we don't reward. We blame, but we don't honor, we don't commend. There should be the positive and the negative. The attitude of loving encouragement. Make the home with such a spiritual atmosphere that children can grow in the Lord and be happy in their obedience. It's not always easy, but this is what God tells us to do.

The method: words and deeds. The word nurture—bring them up in the training or nurture and admonition of the Lord. The word nurture means discipline, actions. It's the word used in Hebrews 12 for what God does to us when we need discipline. Discipline should be fair and loving and consistent. Discipline gives security to the child. He knows that we care enough that we will hurt, even though we don't harm. Admonition: this means words—using the Word of God, instruction, praise, sometimes criticism, but balanced. Most of all, our example: the example of a godly father and a godly mother.

The church is only one generation short of extinction. Because the Jewish people did not train their children, we read in Judges 1, 2, 3 that a generation came along that didn't even know the Lord. The responsibility rests with us as Christian parents, and we must depend upon the Holy Spirit of God. These then are the rights of the children according to God. They have the right to be born. They have the right to be children. They have the right to a Christian home, and they have the right to a Christian upbringing. And it's up to us to make sure that these rights are honored in the church.

[Interview]

Up next, Warren talks with Arnie Cole, CEO of Back to the Bible International.

Warren, Ephesians 5:15 tells us to walk wisely and make the best use of our time because the days are evil. What are some of the best uses of our time these days?

Actually, we should have more time because we have more time-saving gadgets than we've ever had. Time is something we have to invest. We can waste it, we can spend it, or we can invest it. And I prefer to invest my time in that which is going to, number one, be obedient to the Lord; number two, bring Him glory; and number three, help other people. The best thing I can do in this world is help somebody. Sometimes it seems like a burden, but it isn't, to help somebody. So, I don't waste a lot of time on the newspaper. I don't waste a lot of time on television. I'm not saying that these things are wrong. When people phone me, I try not to hang on too long, for their sake, not just mine. Every day I have to start the day with the Lord and give Him my schedule. Now, get rid of what You don't want there, add what You do want. And He's done that. I've seen my whole day rearranged, but it was the best way. So I think we need to read the Word of God every day, we need to pray every day, we need to ask God to help us to help somebody else today, and most of all, always ask ourselves the question: Am I glorifying Jesus? It's amazing how the Christian life doesn't waste time. If we are following the Lord, He's got something for us to do, even if it's only to help somebody across the street.