Do Children Have Rights?

Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1 through 4, and then the parallel passage Colossians chapter 3 verses 18 to 21. Paul has been speaking to the husbands, he's been speaking to the wives, and now he speaks to the children. Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.

Honor thy father and mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth and ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Colossians 3.18 Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them.

Children obey your parents in all things for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged. In other words the first place where our faith ought to show itself is in the home and may the Lord help us to obey.

Children are having a rather difficult time in America these days. For the first time in history the majority of children in America have mothers working outside the home, most of them full-time. We have a great deal of child abuse these days, child murders, parents abusing children to the point of death.

We have some two million children who ought to be in school and they aren't and of course we have millions of them who ought to be getting spiritual training and they aren't. The Apostle Paul when he wrote this letter to the Ephesians assumed that the children would be in the assembly. In chapter 5 he says I want to talk to you husbands and he speaks to the husbands and he said I want to talk to you wives and he speaks to the wives.

He didn't say now I want to talk to parents and you go home and tell the children. He says children obey your parents. He assumes that Christian families will be together in church.

Now in many churches, our own included, we have a children's church arrangement whereby younger children can study the Word of God at a level that is more meaningful to them. I have no problem with this but I've never had any problem with families being together in church. It's amazing what little children learn in church, either what they should do or what they shouldn't do.

And to me it's always been a mark of a problem somewhere when Christian parents cannot get their children together for church. I think you know by now that children do not create problems, they reveal them. The problems were in the home long before the children came along.

Husbands and wives come and they say pastor we didn't have any trouble till the children came along. There's something wrong between me and my wife. I think it's the children.

No, the problem was there. Children do not create problems, they reveal them. Then people come and say well our kids are now turning teenagers and we're having difficulties we never had before.

Possibly that's true. But teenagers don't create problems, they reveal them. Paul is assuming that the Christians will have their children in the assembly.

And I can just see the Ephesian Church with mother and dad and the children sitting there. I'm sure when this letter was read some of the children didn't know what predestination was or election or any of these big deep doctrines. It didn't make any difference.

They were listening to the Word of God. It was getting into their minds and hearts and if nothing else they were learning that this was important to their parents. We evangelicals a few years ago used to get into the pulpits and condemn the unsaved people for what was going on in their homes.

Today we have to condemn the evangelicals for what's going on in the homes. It's not unusual to find professed Christians, couples who have been friends, divorcing and switching mates. I know of churches where this has gone on.

It's not unusual. In the last six months three preacher friends of mine contacted me about problems in their own home with their wives. And I'm sure it's the other way around too.

We are going through a period of time when there is intense pressure against the Christian home. When I was a child the biggest problem we had would be movies I suppose and some radio. But you don't worry about going to movies anymore.

You've got it in the living room. Television set is sitting there. I'm not saying that these are the things that wreck homes.

I'm saying the world has a way of getting into homes, Christian homes. Now the Apostle Paul addresses the children and then he addresses the fathers. And of course he's talking about parents, plural, in verse 1 of chapter 6. He's trying to tell us here how to have a successful home.

What he's sharing with us here is simply spiritual insight for the establishing of the right kind of a home. To put it quite simply, Paul is giving to us the rights of children. Now there are several committees right in America today that are working on the rights of children.

For example, and I'm happy for this, there are laws now that require a child to have a lawyer if parents are going to commit him to a mental institution. This is to protect the rights of the child and I see nothing wrong with it. I can see where parents could get rid of a child without the right kind of supervision.

If children are being abused physically, think of how they're being abused emotionally. But even more than that, think of how they're being abused and neglected spiritually. Children have rights.

And in this particular passage, Paul shares with us some of the rights that children have. Now before this message is ended, some people are going to be uncomfortable. I trust it's the discomfort of conviction.

I was uncomfortable as I prepared the message. I was grateful that I had a week away from my ministry here to be able to get some perspective on some things, even though it was a very busy week. The first right that Paul intimates here, children have the right to be born.

Paul is assuming here that the husbands and wives in chapter 5 are going to be the parents in chapter 6. You see, there are four basic purposes for marriage. We talked about this a couple of weeks ago. When God established marriage, he did so to fulfill four purposes.

First, companionship. It is not good for the man to be alone, and so he made the woman to be his help-meet. That means a help-meet for him, suitable for him, one who meets his needs.

And so the first purpose for marriage, of course, is companionship. It's rather interesting. Nowhere in the Bible does it say it's not good for the woman to be alone.

I have noticed that when death comes into a home, if the man is taken, the woman is usually able just to keep right on going, and there's no real problem. The man has a very serious problem. God knew what he was doing when he said it's not good for the man to be alone.

The woman is the complement to the man. For his weaknesses, her strengths. For his strengths, her encouragement.

Companionship. The second purpose for marriage was children. He said be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.

The third purpose for marriage was for control. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul tells us it's not good for a man to touch a woman. Single people shouldn't be fooling around that way.

So that you don't commit fornication, let every man have his own wife, every woman have her own husband. The purpose of control. Paul makes that strange statement, it's better to marry than to burn.

I've heard people say, I got married and got burned at the same time. What Paul is talking about there is burning with lust. There are some people who simply do not have self-control, and the only answer to this is proper marriage.

The fourth purpose for marriage was to illustrate Christ and the Church. Ephesians chapter 5. It's a beautiful picture of what happens when a person gets saved. We are married to Jesus Christ.

There is a oneness there. We are one flesh, just as husband and wife are one flesh. Now among the four purposes of marriage, you'll find the purpose of children.

Throughout the Old Testament scriptures, children are looked upon as a blessing. We are now living in a world, in a society, that looks upon children as a burden and even as a curse. Now this does not mean that everybody is supposed to have children.

This is very obvious, because some people don't have children. I think what Jesus had to say about marriage back in Matthew chapter 19 and verse 12 also applies to children. Jesus said, now look, everybody's not supposed to get married.

There are some people who were made eunuchs from their birth. Now eunuch, of course, was a person who, because of surgery, was unable to bear children, unable to beget children. He said there are some people who from birth were just not supposed to get married.

There are some people who made themselves non-marriageable for the kingdom of God's sake. There are other people who stayed out of marriage because of people. They've been made eunuchs by men.

I think this applies to children. It's not for us to tell people whether or not or how many. There are some people who from birth just were not going to have children.

We have a very close couple to us. We have been friends for many years. They are the most marvelous people.

The pastor and his wife, they have done a great job in two churches. Just praise the Lord for their ministry. They've had no children.

If there ever were two people who could have been marvelous parents, it's these two, but God didn't give them any children. There are some people who, because of others, just do not have children. They have obligations and they didn't have children.

There are some for the service of the Lord. You don't condemn a person for not having a family. However, the general pattern in the Word of God is that husbands and wives become mothers and fathers.

This is the general pattern. Children are looked upon as a heritage from the Lord. Not burdens, not problems, but a heritage from the Lord.

You've guessed by now, of course, that there are two trends that I am against. I'm against this trend which makes abortion an easy thing. It is tragic, the millions of unborn children that are being murdered.

Now, someone immediately says, oh, but don't you believe in therapeutic abortion? Yes, where it's necessary, but I've checked into this. It's not always necessary. You see, most people are using abortion as a method of birth control.

We just don't want another child, and therefore they commit murder. Children have the right to be born. I was walking through my Old Testament the other day, just making a list of the people who were born at difficult times.

When Moses was born, I'm sure his parents must have said, this is the last time. We don't need any more children. Slavery and Pharaoh, and yet Moses was the very one that God used to deliver them.

And Hebrews 11 says, the faith of Moses' parents was a great faith. Joshua was born in slavery. I'm sure when Joshua was born, his parents said, oh boy, another kid.

How about Samuel? When the nation was at its lowest, Samuel was born, and his mother prayed to God that she might have a child. Many mothers would be saying, thank you, Lord, that in these difficult days I don't have any sons to take care of. And Samuel was the one that God used to bring the nation back to God.

You see, we can always find excuses, but the Word of God seems to indicate that parents should be thankful for what the Lord gives. The second trend I am against, and I realize where a young couple decides that we're going to live for each other and not have any children. I'm talking about Christian parents.

Both of them work, they have money, they have a high standard of living. Children might interfere with their schedule, with their program. This, I think, is selfishness.

Suppose their parents had talked like this. They wouldn't have what they've got. Now, I realize that there are extreme cases.

I realize that you never judge anybody on this basis. I am not judging, but I want to go on record as saying there's a lot of selfishness these days among our couples. Church family, if Christians do not bring babies into this world and raise them as Christians, who's going to do it? The unsaved aren't going to do it.

Well, you say, we'll do it somehow. No, not somehow. I think children have the right to be born.

I think Paul's assuming that here. There's a second right that children have. Children have the right to be children.

You say, what else would they be? Well, what some people try to make them—little grown-ups. If there's one mistake Christian parents make more than anything else, it's trying to make their children grow up too fast. Now, if anything, we ought to be grateful if our children just grow up normally.

I realize I'm speaking to many who never did and never will have any children, as I've mentioned many times from this poll. But we thank God for our singles, whether they're young singles or older singles. God has a place of ministry for each of them.

But each of us comes into contact with families, either relatives or friends. We ought to know some of these things. And children have the right to be children.

I'm thinking of a couple to whom God gave a little girl, and they would not let that little girl be a little girl. She was always with adults. She was always dressed beyond her years.

They forced her to memorize scripture and memorize hymns that they could show off how mature she was. I said to my wife one day, you just wait until that girl gets to be a teenager and see what happens, when she doesn't have to do what they tell her to do. And that's exactly what happened.

She broke their hearts. She'd memorized verses and she'd memorized hymns, but they didn't make a bit of difference. And she disobeyed the Lord, and she got herself into difficulty and got them into embarrassment and shame.

They didn't let this little girl be a little girl. I was flying home from Chattanooga yesterday, and there were 15 or 20 babies or little children on the plane. I felt like I was on an aeronautical daycare center.

And of course it would get quiet, and then one baby would start to cry. And this is the signal for the whole pack, you know, to start crying. Usually I can read under any circumstances, but I had a difficult time reading yesterday.

But I thought to myself, now look, what are you griping about? They are acting the way babies are supposed to act. And to try to make them act like grown-ups, when grown-ups act like children, you're wasting your time. And so I would say to our young couples today, please give your children the right to be children.

Don't force them to be little adults. Let them mature the way God wants them to mature. They have that right.

When Paul talked to the church, he took time to talk to the children. He said, these children are important. I want to talk to them now.

And I want them to be children. That's a third right that they have. They have the right to be born.

They have the right to be children. They have the right to a Christian home. It's a tragedy when a saved person marries an unsaved person, and then the family comes along, and that poor child is born into a divided home.

This is why I say to our Christian teenagers and our young people, when they're going to get married, you be sure you're marrying someone who can help you raise your children. Don't you marry outside the family of God? When Abraham sent his servant to get a bride for his son Isaac, he said, don't you go back to where I came from. Don't go back to Ur of the Chaldees.

I don't want my son to get a bride from that crowd. You go where God sends you, and let God pick that girl for him. And God did.

Children have the right to a Christian home. Now this is what Paul's been talking about back in chapter 5 verses 18 through 33. The Christian home.

You say, but pastor, he's been talking about being filled with the Spirit. That's right, verse 18. He says to husbands and wives, be filled with the Spirit.

I thought the Holy Spirit was to be used in the pulpit preaching or in the Sunday school class teaching. This is true. Didn't the Holy Spirit come that we might be witnesses? This is true.

The Holy Spirit also came that we might have godly homes. I've talked with you about this already. Verse 18 of Ephesians 5, he says to all Christians, be filled with the Spirit.

And then in the next three verses he tells us how we know when we're filled with the Spirit. Verse 19, we are joyful. Verse 20, we are thankful.

And verse 21, we're submissive. Now that's an ideal home. Who would not want to live in a home where the father and the mother were joyful, thankful, and submissive? A child has a right to this kind of a home.

You know, children get together and they brag when they're little. They brag about their parents. It's nice to have parents you can brag about.

You know, my father makes more money than your father. My father's a better bowler than your father is. My father knows more about foreign affairs than your father knows.

I wonder if any Christian children ever get together and say, you know, my father's filled with the Holy Spirit. I doubt it. I wonder if any child ever said to somebody else, well, you may have a bigger house than we've got, but we got a better home.

Our home is happy. There's joyfulness there and there's thankfulness there. And there's, you know, we don't fight in our home.

There's submission in our home. You know, my mother and dad, they just, they say they submit to the Lord and they get along with each other. We don't know what it is to have fights in our home.

I wonder if kids ever talk like that. Then he picks up this thought of submission from verse 21 and he applies it. In verse 22, he talks to the wives about submitting.

And then in verse 25, he talks to the husbands about loving. Because if you submit without love, it's slavery. Submission is not subjugation.

Submission is not inferiority. So he says, now wives you submit, but husbands you love. And this comes from the Holy Spirit.

The fruit of the Spirit is love. The fruit of the Spirit is joy. And no woman has any problem submitting to a man who is loving and joyful and thankful.

She'd have a difficult time submitting to somebody who's hateful and critical and mean and never laughs and never brings any joy into the home. So he says, wives you submit and husbands you love. Now children, you obey.

Which is suggesting to me that if it takes the fullness of the Holy Spirit for the husband to love, if it takes the fullness of the Holy Spirit for the wife to submit, it must take the fullness of the Holy Spirit for the child to obey. And so Christian children need to have the fullness of the Holy Spirit just as much as evangelists and preachers and missionaries. They have the right to a Christian home, which means Christian parents.

It means spirit-filled parents. I can't prove this. I cannot prove this.

But 25 years of ministry as a pastor has convinced me that more than half of our evangelical homes are miserable. They don't have legal divorces, but they have emotional divorces. They're just enduring each other.

They aren't enjoying each other. And the children can hardly wait until they get away from home. The right to a Christian home.

This means parents who are saved and spirit-filled, who know the scriptures. He says, now parents, you know the scriptures say, honor your father and your mother. If you have a mother and a dad who know the Word of God and who can help you apply it to your life, you've got something you can't get anyplace else.

He's talking about mature people who are disciplined. Sometimes parents say to me, we have a hard time disciplining our children. I don't know who they're trying to kid.

The reason many people can't discipline their children is because they can't discipline themselves. You've got to be under authority before you can exercise authority. And if I don't have discipline over myself, I can't discipline anybody else.

And so the children have the right to a Christian home. I think the biggest mistake that Christian parents can make is to develop a home where the Christian life is looked upon with misery. I think one of the things I should do as a Christian father is to make the Christian life so attractive that my children will say, I want that.

Did you notice that Jesus didn't say bring the children to me? Did you notice that? He didn't say bring the children to me. He said, permit the children to come to me. Get out of their way.

He is suggesting here that it's a natural thing for a child to want to become a Christian. Well then why is it that we have children who reject the Lord Jesus Christ, who are raised in fundamental churches and they hear fundamental preachers? Because somewhere along the line they saw something about the Christian life at home that wasn't very attractive. And so it's a big responsibility.

They have the right to be born, they have the right to be children, they have the right to a Christian home, and finally they have the right to a Christian upbringing. And this is what he's talking about. Now I'm going to deal with this in detail and then we're going to close our message.

What is involved in a Christian upbringing? If I am going to raise my children and you're going to raise yours, and you singles are going to help us raise ours, as a church family we're all part of one another, what's involved? Number one, the goal of a Christian upbringing is maturity. See the verb that he uses here in verse 4, bring them up, simply means mature them. It's the same word he uses about husbands and wives back in verse 29 of chapter 5, when he says you should nourish.

No man ever yet hated his own flesh, he nourishes it. That word nourish means he matures it. You take care of your body so your body grows.

The goal of the Christian home is maturity in the child, not conformity. No two children are exactly alike. Maturity, permitting that child to grow and become himself.

I think it's a tragedy when people try to make musicians out of kids that God wanted to be carpenters. They're sawing on a violin instead of sawing on a board, and it sounds like the strings are still in the cat. Maturity, the goal of the Christian home is maturity, to set such an atmosphere in that home where each child can become himself in the Lord.

That's what Mary and Joseph did, it says of the Lord Jesus in Luke 2.52, and Jesus increased in wisdom, that's mental maturity, and stature, physical maturity, in favor with God, spiritual maturity, and man, social maturity. There are people in the city of Chicago who are so concerned about the social life of their children, but not their spiritual life. Or they're so concerned about the spiritual, but not the physical.

And God says, I want the life to be balanced. I want you to raise those children to maturity so that physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually, it's all scriptural. Honor thy father and thy mother.

It brings a blessing that it may be well with thee, that thou mayest live long on the earth. This doesn't mean that every child who obeys is going to live to be a hundred, but it does mean that his life is going to be blessed of God. Colossians 3.20 says we should obey our parents because it pleases for obedience on the part of children.

It's right. If you obey, then you'll be able to learn other things. It's scriptural.

It brings blessing. It pleases the Lord. Now the goal of the Christian home is maturity, and the basis of the Christian home is obedience.

The attitude is loving encouragement. Now I'm going to talk to the parents. I'm talking to myself.

Verse 4 says, Fathers, don't provoke your children. Instead of having a negative attitude of criticism and judgment, always looking for something wrong, have a positive attitude of encouragement and love. Colossians says don't provoke your children lest they become discouraged.

Colossians 3.21. You know how we parents provoke our children? Well, I could give you several ways that we do it. One is to make excessive demands upon them that they can't meet. We're harder on them than we are on ourselves.

We've got to be careful there. I'll tell you what provokes them more than anything else, not keeping our promises. I'll tell you something else that provokes children and discourages them when they see inconsistency between what we say and what we do.

You want to know why many teenagers leave the church? I have worked with thousands of teenagers. I have written many books for teenagers. I think I understand something about teenagers.

You know why teenagers leave the church? We like to blame the church. It's not the church's fault. What would you do if you were a teenager and you got to the place where you started figuring out what was really going on and you come to church and you hear your father or your mother being a church officer praying beautiful prayers and singing lovely songs and at home acting like a devil.

Now you've got to make a choice. You're either going to love your father and mother or love the Lord that they think they're serving. And a teenager says, well, I need my family.

I don't need the church. I've got to make a decision here if I'm going to be honest. He drops out of church.

I've talked to many, many young people who have said, look, I'd like to be a part of the Lord's family. I'd like to live for the Lord, but I see such inconsistency in my parents. It's either them or me.

The attitude of loving encouragement. Now how? What's the method for raising our children? Well, he uses two words in verse 4, nurture and admonition. Nurture means discipline.

It's the same word used in Hebrews 12 for chastening. So nurture means we raise them with deeds. Admonition means we raise them with words.

Nurture means we discipline them. Admonition means we teach them. Nurture means that when something is wrong, we have to apply discipline.

Admonition means that when something is right, we praise them. Now it may come as a shock to you that children want discipline. You know why? Two reasons.

One, it's an evidence of our love. Whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth. Two, it helps them build security.

You know what discipline is to a child? Discipline is to a child what that guardrail is along the edge of the highway when you're driving in the mountains. They know how far they can go and it gives them a sense of security. I recall talking to a young lady who had gone through serious problems, real difficulties.

And as we chatted together, I said, tell me about your home. Should I have no home? Should my parents let me do anything I wanted to do as long as I stayed out of their way? They lived their life. I live my life.

She said, I never had any discipline. Consequently, I was like a cork floating around in the ocean. I never knew what was right, what was wrong.

She said, if only they would have disciplined me. Now the thing children don't like is angry discipline, where we take out our feelings on their bodies, and that's wrong. Inconsistent discipline, where we shoot down a mosquito with a cannon and then the next day let murder go by.

They want discipline that is fair and loving and consistent. And only the Holy Spirit can do this. I think at this point some of us could probably bow and say, Lord, forgive us.

It's too late now, but forgive us. Help us to do better. We only discipline our children.

That's the nurture. But we admonish our children. That's the admonition.

You see, a home is made up of attitudes, actions, and words. That's the invisible furniture of your home. Attitudes, actions, and words.

You see, if a husband and wife want to fight, they can use words, they can use actions, they can use attitudes, they can use the children. And Paul is saying to you and me, now look, it isn't enough to discipline the children, you have to admonish them. You've got to use words, which means encouragement, praise, instruction, teaching.

There's not a father here who would permit his son to take the car unless he had driver's training of some kind. Do you want him to get a hold of life without some kind of training? Every once in a while you find somebody who has the idea that a preacher's family is somehow handicapped. Oh, too bad you're a preacher's kid.

I feel that a pastor's family is privileged. Do you know that I've had the privilege of teaching the Word of God to my family all these years? I haven't had to argue with some other preacher and disagree with him. I've been able to teach my own family the Word of God.

I think that's a privilege. I thank God for it. He's talking about admonition, which means using words to encourage.

But somehow there's something in us as parents that the minute the kids get home from school, how come your shoes are scuffed? Instead of saying, hey, it's great to see you, try to encourage and reward a little bit. Children respond to the balance of instruction, reward, discipline, and praise. You do too.

There's not an adult here who doesn't enjoy being praised a little bit. Do we praise others? Paul has told us here that children have rights. They have the right to be born.

If Christian husbands and wives don't bring children into this world and raise them as Christians, who will? They have the right to be children, not miniature adults. They have the right to a Christian home, and they have the right to a Christian upbringing, learning how to obey, living in an atmosphere of loving encouragement, being taught the Word of God, and being disciplined. This church, like every other church, is one generation short of extinction.

Did you know that? Every church is one generation short of extinction. If we don't win our own families to the Lord, we're not going to do a very good job of winning the outsiders. The first institution God established was the home.

I wonder how much longer it's going to last. I have the responsibility, and you have the responsibility, of obeying God in this matter of the home. It's a big responsibility.

Be not drunk with wine, but be filled with the Spirit. May God help us to have Spirit-filled homes. Gracious Father, I pray that you will help those of us who are parents, grandparents, to bring up our children, grandchildren, the way you want it done.

We realize, Lord, that sometimes in spite of prayers and sacrifice and love and discipline, children from Christian homes become prodigal. For them, we pray. For those who have rebelled against the love and the instruction that has been given to them, O God, may they come back to walk with Christ.

I pray that you'll guide our young people here at Moody Church, that they might marry in the will of God. I pray your blessing upon our young families that are beginning. O God, help them to raise the children the way you want it.

And Lord, may we as a Church family bring glory to your name. Father, I pray for those who have unsaved people in their families, that these people might come to know Christ. Father, in these days when we see the home disintegrating, help us as Christians to build stronger until Jesus comes.

For it's in his name that we pray, amen.